Had to start enrollment last week. Found out that if I don't raise up my math grade and pass my state test I'll be put back in Algebra I for 9th grade. Better try to catch up to Algebra II before the schedule is permanet. I got put in Honors English but not sure how long that'll last since some book reports I've hadn't handed in yet have sort of lowered it. Thankfully I still do good on my assignments and tests so it hasn't drop that bad. Got a math test this week which should help my grade along with last week's. Other than that things have pretty much been a bore.

I was sitting on the couch munching on an apple when the strangest thought popped into my mind. I wasn't even doing anything related to it. I was just watching TV and looking at the TV guide when I felt this pang of anger inside of me. It lead me to remember a conversation I heard awhile ago and reminded me of my aunt and older cousin. After nearly fifteen minutes of thinking about each situation and the resent I have to my aunt's husband made me realize how my cousin's ex-inlaws must feel. How hypocritical I've been for not trying to understand how they must feel toward my cousin's actions when I have been thinking about how good it must feel to punch my aunt's old husband for causing her death.

For gambling their money away, putting himself, her, and his son in the hospital for being a pompous jackass that felt winning an arguement was more important than watching were he was driving, and then marrying only a few months after she died. He didn't even wait half a year and I'm doubtful the marriage was out of loneliness. I say he deserved more than a missing eye. But at least my cousin has never done anything like that. Some actions that might affect her son later in life but nothing dangerous, maybe embarrasing and slightly shameful, but not dangerous or harmful. Then again it is hard to find fault in someone you deeply admire. I don't even know if this makes sense anymore but I know I don't have the right to hurt him. She-as much as it kills me to say-deserves some of the blame. She shouldn't have allowed him to gamble and she should have left him ages ago when she discovered his temper. So many things that I can't put in words right now but just because I discovered the two sides of the coin doesn't mean I'll stop disliking him.

Wake up, get reading for school, go to school, get back home, eat, and sleep. That goes on for months and I'm bored already. Despite school being on the list school is want keeps me going. What motivates and keeps me happy. Without it I would've have died from boredom years ago. It's going to be nice when summer starts. With some pocket it money it'll make walking around the neighbor hood fun. It's nice living on the street that haves all you need nearby. Store, restuarants, car wash, bar, park, and school all within walking distance. Gonna be fifteen next week so hopefully my parents will let me. Strange seeing as a few years ago I wouldn't have mind being inside my room for two and a half months.

So Winter Vacation has pretty much come to an end seeing as school starts back on Tuesday. I'm actually glad for it, I"m dying of boredom here. I finally get to leave this house tomorrow and hopefully spend a few hours away. Christmas, though modest, was pleasant. I still got some left over money left from what I recieved so I might spent it. The rest went to buying clothes and DVDs. New Years, even more modest than Christmas, was very enjoyable. Around there we recieved the local college's newspaper with information about finacial aid programs and a complete list of the courses available. It worries me that most of them didn't catch my interest. So far I'm considering criminal investigation, literature, or psychology. It's still four years away so I'll see what time brings. Mom says I don't have much to worry about it, that she's okay with anything I pick as long as I don't become her co-worker. Hope I don't disappoint them. I'm not so sure what I want with my life yet.

Doing Secret Santa at school, I think it's rather fun. It's not something the teachers are making us do but more like a small thing groups of friends are doing at school. Don't know about the West but I now almost everyone on the East side is doing it. We already picked out names so now I just have to search for a gift for my person. Planning on doing it this week since my sister's birthday is also this week and it'll give me time to get two presents. Other than that this week's been pretty calm. Hell of a lot better than last week were one of my friends wrote a hate letter to another and made her cry. And over something that really wasn't worth getting that mad over. Some people just like drama more than others, or get offended quicker than others. But compared to what other girls have been through during these two years of middle school I think we did alright.

Dodge City-25,176 folks (founded in 1872)
Garden City-28,451 folks (founded in 1878)

Funny, I always thought Dodge was older than Garden. I would always poke fun of it for being older but having a lesser population but it turns out they don't have much of an age difference if you don't count Dodge's failed attempt in 1847. Smallest place in Kansas is probably Holyrood with only about 464 people. I make a jest of it by calling it Hollywood, actually I make a joke out of everything. Also I watched the movie Capote which talked about the Clutter Family, it was cool how they showed Garden and Holcomb.

It accurately showed how you only see a big sky, yellow grass, dirt, and pretty much nothing else when you travel between the two towns. I almost forgot the Clutters' anniversary was on the 15 of November. Also the movie-thank the director-made the town look slightly better than it actually was in that time. I don't know why I wrote this. I guess it's after a comment I heard in school about the smell that surrounds the town every now and then. "That's the smell of of money." Actually, money does smell bad. Yet, despite what I wrote I've developed a new fondess and gratitude for Garden over the past few weeks.

Was suppose to burn some songs for a friend but when I checked my backpack and agenda the darn list was gone. Probably some where in my binder. I really should get around to cleaning it. My locker and bag are cleaner than that thing. History is mixed with math, communications, and reading(wait, it's called writing now). Speaking of writing I serious need to get that essay done. The rough draft is hidden somewhere in my agenda with science paper along with some other random stuff I put in there. As to why I have an agenda everyone from the 5th grade and up is required to have one. Mostly for hall passes. It's suppose to be used to write down assignments but most kids don't do that. Seems most are used for putting up pictures and decorating. I hope she doesn't get mad on Monday when I show up without a CD.


...Can't believe I'm listening to a song about summer when it's pretty much already winter. Might go to Mexico this summer but I'm dreading high school a little. I get the feeling that while I'm there my mom is going to stop accepting C's. High school. The place were most everyone in my family finally left to either A. work at factory, B. work at restaurant , or C. unemployment.

We were going to the Post Office to see how much it would cost to get the last name on my passport changed when me and Mom started arguing about the last name and how she filled out the enrollment paper. Something like: "Your fault for trying to do it the 'easy' way. Now it's harder!" and "Not my fault. How was I suppose to know?!" Next thing we know we're outside the car and we realize the key was left inside. So with the doors all locked we just went inside to get the application and had to wait outside for at least half an hour before Dad came to help get the extra key before going back to work. I just wished it would have happened when I wasn't there so it could be funnier. Waiting outside like a bunch of idiots wasn't very enjoyable. Good thing today is actually very warm for November. Usually it's so cold you don't want to go out but today you can just walk out the door without a coat, jacket, or sweater.